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I was born into a not quite wealthy family. We were on the bottom side of lower class, and I can remember my dad frequently pulling money directly out of his pay checks just to cover rent… Well at least we didn’t have to worry about dealing with banks. :P I know this seems irreverent to this picture but I did find some pleasure in my adolescence. Of course we didn’t have cable so I couldn’t jump on the bandwagon of shows such as Teen Titans, American dad, or family guy. (Or at least those are the shows I remember people talking about that I hadn’t seen. HOWEVER I did have a ridiculously shitty metal antennae behind my house that I would hand turn to find a better reception. And it was always a challenge but i would perceived and find my ideal reception to WB! I found our friend fried ricer here fighting other food based monsters. And as lame as it sounds now I really did love this show. It also led to my obsession with Yugioh ranging from elementary school to high school… I was lame to say the least, but that lameness makes us who we are. And I like to think I turned out alright.

This week I had my last theater performance of my high school career. It was a cute mellow drama called Somebody Save My Baby Ruth. The entirety of this being my last performance honestly really got to me before I went on. Even though on an average day I’m as outgoing as a Jehovah witness who thinks you haven’t gotten enough Jesus in today…. at that moment my arms where quivering. I lost a normal rhythm of breath. All I could think about was how if I messed up now my entire career as an actor ranging from playing Santa in second grade to now was all for nothing. I trotted out as my police character (who did in fact get all the bitches… wasn’t hard to act that out XD) The nerves were still as bad as ever. Then I did my first dramatic turn toward the audience and was met with a tidal wave of laughter at the antics of my character. And the resonation  of that laugh filled me from my jammed toe nail to my large nose. And it shook loose any incompetent thoughts, because I know i’m a good actor. And I proved it that night. I’ll miss you theater. 

I suck at relationships.

I suck at relationships. That is a fact. I was led on by a girl I desperatly cared about. I dated a girl, my first girlfriend, junior year. Senior year I told myself I wouldn’t date anyone. However god again is like “fuck you faggot who isnt a faggot” and made me fall for an amazing girl. 

I’m graduating high school in nine days. I feel my hands slightly tremor as the heaviness of that seeks into my mind. I remember the start of my high school experience.I was as socially awkward as an overweight man in the salad bar line. However through the help of extracurricular activities such as theater and debate I took the time to learn myself. NOT what everybody else wanted me to be, but rather who I wanted to be. I Went from the dweeby kid on the left sporting fake facial hair to the EVEN MORE DWEEBY kid on the right with the “Gay blond streak” in his hair. You know what though? I love myself now. And this evolution I was shoved through called the public school system may not be as bad as people make it out to be. Embrace yourself. Embrace the future. Accept you will change and love what you find yourself turning into. I’m still shaking at the thought of actually taking on a future, but I welcome the future me who will come from it. 

Video games are both the best and worst thing that have ever happened to me.

I’m going to start in where I view as the optimal place to start a yarn. THE BEGINNING! I was born. That parts kinda not that important, but I wanted include it. More importantly I started to gain the ability to retain memories! This part is also not that important, but it gets us to where we need to be. In even my most primal early memories without fail I can find a link to my gaming addiction. Most notably my brother, two years older then me, who had a fascination with video games. Him being the older brother as a child I didn’t play too much but rather had my imagination stupefied by the stunning tail I watched him trudge through. And like any decent younger brother I complained to my mom just enough to get a turn every once and a while. And I can honestly call it an addiction. Whether it be our dream-cast, game-cube  or even  my own game-boy I was permanently pursing my favorite pastimes. Unforgettably my mother wasn’t quite as large of a fan as I was, however even when she forced me to do the one thing every person on the interned dreads to do… Go outside and play… I still found my brain theory crafting my games thinking through levels, or even at that young age thinking up fan fiction. The problem occurred unfortunantly that this was in fact an addiction. While yes this was my largest source of joy, and my largest passion it did deswayed me from pursuing more socially acceptable alternatives. At first it was as simple as “NO I DON’T WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU IM TRYING TO EVOLVE RATATAT!” This has extended thorught my life however. Even now that I’ve reached the age of 19 I find that although I’m not a moron I just scrape by in school finding it be more enjoyable to write out hypothetical team comps for league of legends or even work on my own fantasy teams trying my hardest to concentrate on my own thoughts as that distraction in the front continues to drone on. Their is a silver lining however. I think video games while destroying my GPA has also given me not only some of my best friends, online and off, It has also shown me how to problem solve and work much more efficiently on a team. All in all I don’t regret my decision as many would think I do. I would rather be a poor happy man with barely passing grades than a robot who happens to have a lot of money in his back pocket. 

I would make the fucking best gay man.

The title says it all! This is probably the most important thing I’ve learned about myself in my past nineteen years of experiences on this blip of the universe called earth. I do theater. An activity which quite frankly disappoints my ultra conservative father. I have a lisp since approximately age five and went through speech therapy since I believe first grade making me sound *FABULOUthhh*. Oh also i say things like fantabulous (fabulous + fantastic= perfect word) I have a vast majority of female to male friends. However even with my seemingly perfect homo trade set god enjoys confusing my life just a pinch more by making me like specific parts of the female anatomy. You know what im talking about ;D Thus leaving me in the awkward twilight zone of straight and gay that I’m proud to say I’ve molded into my life. 

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